why can't love be easy?

October 2009 , almost a year ago is when this all started. I never expected to fall. I was ready to give up on boys with the way my summer had went with them. I remember the first day I meet him in school, and that night at mings after the football game I talked to him like it was nothing, maybe the liquor had some effect on that. And my friends they are crazy, they take me saying that he's cute and baggable to the point that I wanna bag him, smh.. but I'm kinda glad they did.
We started talking on the phone and walking together in school, the regular getting to know each other. Our first date was a group date, at the circus lol probably not the best place. But we made the best of it. I remember I we was leaving, we was some what play figthing, don't know how to describe it, but from that and turned me around and kissed me. At that point I coulda just melted in his arms.
But as time goes on things change, and so did we. We started fighting alll the time. After four months of talking we stoppped and he ended things. I felt like shiit, not even a tub of ice cream and so lifetime movies could help. During our time off I did sometimes I wasn't proud of, but hey everything happens for a reason. I started to date someone, just to see if my feelings would change but they didn't. During the relationship, he came back into my life. My feeelings did not change one bit, I had no dobut in my mind that he was the one I wanted to be with. So I ended the relationship I was in and we began to talk again.
I'll never forget the night he asked me out. We began to talk about us, he both agreed that we wasn't gonna get into a relationship unless we both were ready. We said we was ready. Then he asked me , May31,2010<3 I honestly was so happpy.
As summer came along, things didn't go as planned. We started fighting a lot again. He was because I didn't wanna share my past with him. I honestly feel that if my past is over, then its my past, no neeed to have it effect our future. But it did, big time. July31,2010 we broke up, once again I felt like shiiiit. But I couldn't let it effect me I had the biggest tournament of my life for softball, and my real grandmother was in the hospital. Everything hit me at once, the month of August 2010, I hated.
Right now, I just wanna be with him. He says he can't trust me, and I understand. But yet, can I trust him. I don't know how I feel. I'm stuck in between staying and moving on. This is so hard.

boys are just nonsense.........................

so my boy status is currently a joke. welll i guess only witt one boy. i though we were talking . & he asked my friend just yesterday if we was & she said yes. just when you think everythiing is perfect shiit falls apart. then last night i get a text from a girl ; talking about you talk to my boo. & they've been talking for mad long & nonsense that i justt didnt care about . bcus i stilll talked to my boy so he could talk to other girls justt not on the level we was talking ! but today was the festival & he told my bestfriend he wasnt gonna say hii to me bcus he didnt want me to yelll at hiim ? & alll i wanted to do was ask hiim. bcus if he wants to talk to the other girl & be witt her i'lll happily leavee ! but at the festival my little sister asked him why he hasnt talked to me & i guess he said he don't wanna talk to me ?!?!?! wellll if thats how he really feels, then all he gotta do is lett me know & give me backk my sweater & i'lll be on my motherfckin wayy. ugh boys aree justt nonsense ; i believe after thiis im done; welll i always say that . i justt need to find the ONE <3

D0ll$

I kinda felll liike my group of girls aint as close anymore. Like were still close but not all of us; I knew its summer & we gott our own thiings to do. But liike stop acting up. We all use to be mad close they were myy bestfriends. I just find it sad when I have to hear shiit that I should be hearing from them insteaf of other people. Well me and money have been chylling the most . me & nani are gonna chill tomorrow niight. then when mickey & isa gett back we need to have a d0ll$ niight. I thiinkk its tiime we do some catchin up & reunite. Schools coming so I know we'lll be back ass onee !


I l0VE MY d0ll$ ! <3

effort much?!

so I talk to thiis boy [ letss calll hiim boyfriend #1 ]; but he's been actiing up.
doesnt calll / textt liike he use too.
it kiinda gets on my nerves; he got the nerves to say he does ! smh. NO!
but on the other hand; i havee a handsome young man that would liike me [ letts calll hiim boyfriend #2 ].
i swear he's kiinda liike perfect ! he's cute ; drives ; works ; school is important;
football is hiis game not me ; does anything to make me happy ! <3 he kiinda makes me fall head over hiiilllls !

so alll last week i was siick ! smh not cool . but anyyways i was textin witt boyfriend #2 & i wass telliing hiim to bring me ice cream. but i was joking but serious. & homeboy really wentt & got it for me. it was so cuttee. he justt knows how too act. & he comes to see me ALL the tiime.

yett boyfriend #1 knocked me off my feet from the start. i really have no clue why or how. it kindd just happened. & everytiime i speak or see boyfriend #2 , boyfriend #1 is in the backk of my mind.

i guess im att a point where i need too pick ; butt its so hard bcus the less we talk the more i like for boyfriend #1 * &the more he treats me liike hiis princess, the more i start to like boyfriend #2. when i look at the effort it makes me thiink which one really wants me for me !

now where do we stand..... ?!

So I've been talking to thiis kiid for about 2&1/2 to almost 3 weeks noww. If I told hiis name I'd have to kiilll yuu. jk I'd just rather nott putt it out there. Welll I would have never expected to ever liike hiim nor us too be talking. it all started July12th,2o09. I went to a party, welll I was down the street since it was wackk. &he pulled up in a car wiit hiis boys. They came outt and said hiii. Gave me a hug and liike stayed inbetween my legs since, I was sitting. But we've been chiilll so I was liike wateverr. He had been drinkin, welll he was drunk lol. I remember hiim standing there and then turning to my bestfriend says......

HIM :" You knoww thiis is my wifee?"

HER:"Ohh really?

HIM: "Yupp were going to get married"

HER: " wow I never knew thiis. lol"

So, I though he was just joking seeing thatt he was drunk. Thenn that night he wannted to come see me att my housee. He was speaking to one of my girls and she told me. I was liiikee WTF ? she wass likee he liikes yuu! turnss outt he wasnt kidding whenn he said that earlierr. so I hadd to ask hiim for myy self. Well he didntt payy hiis phone biilll. we needed a wayy too speak so we started e-mailing from ourr phones. lol turns outt he really did liike me and has for awhiilee. I was in shockkk ! So he asked me watt i wannted to do aboutt it. and I said idk watt yuu wanna do ? He said he wanted to talk to me on some relationshipp statuss. So I said we cann tallk butt no promisees. That night he keptt me up tilll 4:30 in the morning and I had to be up for work at 4:45. My sleep wass greatt.

From there were started talking, and it turns outt I really liikee hiim too, and got me thiinking about us maybee having a good relationshiippp. We would chiill and justt have fuunn. Even though he abuses me lol jk he stilll manages to keep a smile on my face some how everytiime im witt him. Then last night something not so pretty happened. NO i didnt play hiim and he didnt playy me, because i know yuu are thinking that. But watt happened isnt importantt. But now im not suree where we stand. I havent spokee to hiim all dayy todayy, and I donnt wanna be the one to make the first call or send the firstt textt. Welll if he doesnt wanna speak to me anymore I understand and I'lll stilll respect hiim. But I really liike hiim and I hopee that everythiing turns outt for the bestt. Butt alll I cann do is hopeee. <3

tiimee to play catch upp.....

welll my summer started 4th of July weekend. I baptized my godson &then we had a party; myy i sayy i was knocked outt on my floor&dontt remember how i made it to my room. [ *thats watt drinkin&smoking does to yuu ]. Yet is mainly made up of softballl. its for my leagues AllStarr * team. Well we won districts and now were in the eastern regional tournmentt. yeaa were the shiit. After that i went camping wit my little sister&family for a weekend. I hadd OD funn witt my little sis, even though we barely had service. but we played volleyball, went in the hot tubb, meet some cutiies on the beach ;] , made s'mores, we went swimming to an island. &we even took the boat out and saw an oater. I had suchh a good time. besides the fact that i had a toothache :/

butt then that following monday July 20th, i left witt dynamy for a real camping trip ! it wasntt pretty. I couldn't shower, have my phone nor iPOD. The nice oart was I got to stay on an island for two nights which I probably wontt get the chance to do every again. The sucky part was loading and unloading everything into the boats and setting up tents. & also having to paddle down the coast of Maine in rushing waters ! yess im talking about the ocean. I was praying for Friday to come. my group was pretty chill and we made the best of it thou. when Friday came we were so happy to leavee. so were waiting for our bus to come, and then a limo pulls up & were joking saying thats our ridee home, then another pulls up . & outt comes the drivers that drove us there ! haha the limos were for us. it was BOMB. seeing there was only five in my limo. so it wasnt as smelly. So over all it wasntt thatt badd, i thought it would be worse.

in classsss.........

so im in class, 5th period tech. class & bitchhass Hankeyy aint here thank the lordd! no one is doinq work &ibett when he comes in tomorrow hes gonna bitchh, but its whattever. so iwent to the bathroom rite as class started& igot back &people are on the computer on www.fmylife.com iguess its a dumbb websitee abouttt people writinq about there lifess , kinda like blogger, but blogger is better. so i triedd twitter first but the fuckinq dumb school has it block. iwas madd. so itried blogger &it work (: & so i wrote this greattt blog. hahaha
&now comments from my classmates.
and david is ssooooooooooo cooooooooll!!!!!!!!!!
DEMI IS PERFECT
Amanda is the best!]